Mental illness Thoughts on life

A Big Nasty Rut

So I am officially in a rut. A life-rut. My world has become so small and it seems so insignificant. What am I doing? Nothing. Every day I do the same thing. Nothing. It’s exhausting doing nothing. I never have energy. Recently I was asked by my therapist, “what are your goals?” Hmmm… I can’t decide what to eat 99% of the time. I have no fucking clue what my goals are. My number one goal as of right this second, is to get out of the house. It will happen come hell or high water or else I will be hanging my boyfriend up by his toes. If that happens I will be sure to take pictures.

My life-rut has a soundtrack. Ani DiFranco being number one. She speaks to me. It’s like there is a little window into my soul that she peeks into and then writes her songs based on what she sees in there. It’s cool when you connect to a form of art in a way that rocks you to your core. This is my latest Ani song that gets me…


My affirmation for the day is… I WILL GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE. Even if it’s to the devils house (Wal-Mart). I am outta here! Stay classy Tulsa.

By Sarah Jones

My name is Sarah Jones and I am the author of the blog "Inside My Manic Mind". I began blogging as a way to cope with my grief after my husband's suicide October 23, 2017. Like my husband, I also suffer from episodes of severe mental Illness. My goal is to educate those who are not mentally ill about what mental illness is and what it isn't. I hope that by educating people we can fight the stigma surrounding mental illness that still exists, even in 2020. I also am reaching out to those suffering from mental Illness and relating to them with my personal experiences. Lastly, if I can save a single life from suicide and their families the heartbreak that follows, I am not only honoring my late husband but hopefully helping someone feeling so alone and desperate by letting them know they are NOT alone. To me, that would be success.

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