(This is a revised version of an earlier post from December 2018)


I took a little break from my meds recently. BIG MISTAKE. It always is. 

I felt better without them at first, but that was just the mania. I should have known better. 

The crash was bad. Really fucking bad. I should have been hospitalized a few times, but I rode it out.

When you don’t have insurance, you go to the state-funded hospital. It’s no bueno. So, I basically haven’t left my bedroom in 2 months. I haven’t really left the bed in 2 months. 

I am taking my meds now and feeling much better, I am happy to report.

Now I need to get out of here! The problem is, I have nowhere to go. I don’t really have friends anymore and my family doesn’t really have much to do with me either.

At this point I am desperate to do something.

What I Came up With

  • Play air guitar to all my favorite song
  • Memorize lyrics to my favorite songs
  • Contemplate the meaning of life
  • Organize my closet ( blah )
  • Study quantum physics and try to understand it
  • Paint a picture
  • Read a novel
  • Write a novel
  • Sing
  • Knit something
  • Study the Bible or other fiction 
  • Write a song
  • Play my drums
  • Make jewelry
  • Tie-dye stuff
  • Make prank phone calls from a TextNow number
  • Learn a British accent
  • Write a screenplay
  • Perform the screenplay (for myself)
  • Build a fort
  • Take a Xanax and lay down (my favorite)
  • Bake something
  • Clean something (ugh)
  • Continue doing nothing and complain of boredom (most likely outcome)

All of these are perfectly lovely choices, I just don’t feel like doing any of it. Yet, I want to do something. Are you seeing my dilemma? I probably drive my boyfriend crazy lol, poor guy. 

Well, I think I’ll take a nap.

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