(This is a revised version of an earlier post from December 2018)
I took a little break from my meds recently. BIG MISTAKE. It always is.
I felt better without them at first, but that was just the mania. I should have known better.
The crash was bad. Really fucking bad. I should have been hospitalized a few times, but I rode it out.
When you don’t have insurance, you go to the state-funded hospital. It’s no bueno. So, I basically haven’t left my bedroom in 2 months. I haven’t really left the bed in 2 months.
I am taking my meds now and feeling much better, I am happy to report.
Now I need to get out of here! The problem is, I have nowhere to go. I don’t really have friends anymore and my family doesn’t really have much to do with me either.
At this point I am desperate to do something.
What I Came up With
- Play air guitar to all my favorite song
- Memorize lyrics to my favorite songs
- Contemplate the meaning of life
- Organize my closet ( blah )
- Study quantum physics and try to understand it
- Paint a picture
- Read a novel
- Write a novel
- Knit something
- Study the Bible or other fiction
- Write a song
- Play my drums
- Make jewelry
- Tie-dye stuff
- Make prank phone calls from a TextNow number
- Learn a British accent
- Write a screenplay
- Perform the screenplay (for myself)
- Build a fort
- Take a Xanax and lay down (my favorite)
- Bake something
- Clean something (ugh)
- Continue doing nothing and complain of boredom (most likely outcome)
All of these are perfectly lovely choices, I just don’t feel like doing any of it. Yet, I want to do something. Are you seeing my dilemma? I probably drive my boyfriend crazy lol, poor guy.
Well, I think I’ll take a nap.